Mr Dog and the Kitten Catastrophe Read online

  Desi did not get up again.

  Zeus got down on all fours and sniffed him. ‘Do you think he’s got any tuna sandwiches on him?’

  ‘I’d give you a hundred sandwiches if I could!’ said Mr Dog. ‘Where did you spring from anyway?’

  ‘I ran into Mike and Iona in the forest,’ said Zeus. ‘I’ve been helping them get past the hunters guarding this place.’

  ‘Who are Mike and Iona?’ Angus asked.

  ‘They have excellent snacks,’ Zeus explained.

  ‘They’re TV journalists,’ Mr Dog said more helpfully. ‘They’ve been trying to get evidence of what Noel is up to … and look! Here they are now!’

  Mr Dog watched the couple coming cautiously out of the shadows. ‘They are the two people Eccles spotted and warned us about!’ He shook his head in disbelief – and, as he did so, a small black cylinder attached to a clip fell out from his handkerchief collar.

  Angus nudged it with his little pink nose. ‘What’s that?’ he asked.

  ‘It looks like a little microphone,’ said Mr Dog. ‘Something humans use to make their voices louder … or to sing into … or –’

  His explanation was cut short by Nasty Noel bursting into sight. ‘Stop right there!’ She pointed a hunting rifle at Zeus, but kept her eyes on Mike and Iona. ‘You two are trespassing on private property. Get out of here.’

  ‘Sorry, Noel,’ said Iona. ‘I know that no one’s ever stopped you trading in wild animals before, but that’s all about to change.’

  ‘Right,’ said Mike, who had brought out his camera. ‘And we were actually invited on to your property just after Mr Bernwood drove through the gates. Your guard was so scared by Zeus he ran away and told us to do whatever we liked …’

  Noel frowned. ‘How do you know about Mr Bernwood?’

  ‘We’ve been listening in on your conversations,’ said Iona with a smile. ‘Guess what? I hid a little radio microphone in the hanky round that dog’s neck!’

  ‘Indeed you did!’ woofed Mr Dog happily. He gave Iona a doggy grin, full of admiration for her cleverness.

  ‘Every growl and whimper has been recorded,’ Iona went on. ‘Along with everything you and your hunters said in front of that plucky mutt.’ She produced a digital audio recorder and pressed a button. Noel’s voice came out of it: ‘I’ve been trapping and trading wild animals for fifteen years …’

  Noel’s face darkened. ‘That’s not real proof. It could be someone impersonating my voice.’

  Mr Dog woofed up to Eccles. ‘Why don’t you show Noel what an impersonator sounds like?’

  Eccles came flapping down and perched on Zeus’s shoulder. ‘Exotic pets! Very rare, best price,’ she said. ‘Keep it secret. SQUAWK!’

  Iona laughed. ‘How could a parrot say those things in your voice if you never said them yourself?’

  ‘Beautiful job, parrot,’ Mike told Eccles. ‘And I’ve got it all on video!’

  ‘We’ve already sent footage of your dancing bear to the police,’ Iona added. ‘They really don’t like dangerous wild animals roaming the countryside.’

  ‘Dangerous?’ said Zeus in shock. ‘Me?’

  ‘You’re only dangerous to sandwiches!’ Mr Dog chuckled.

  ‘The police are on their way right now with a vet and an animal-welfare officer,’ Mike told Noel. ‘As yours is the only property in this area, they wanted to search the grounds.’

  Iona nodded. ‘And, once we’ve played the police our recordings, I think they’re going to want to talk to you about lots of other things too.’

  Icily, Noel turned and stalked away.

  Mike went after her with his camera. ‘While we wait for the police together, do you think Mr Bernwood would give us an interview?’ he called. ‘We’d like to know why he’s paying you five thousand pounds to own a protected animal you trapped illegally …’

  Iona was about to follow, but then turned back. Zeus watched her. Eccles, still perched on the bear’s shoulder, cocked her head to one side. Angus looked up at her and mewed a thank-you.

  As for Mr Dog, he simply sat on his haunches and raised a paw in thanks. Iona crouched beside him and patted his head.

  ‘You saved the day, dog,’ she murmured. ‘Not just because you carried that microphone to right where it was needed … but because, in some crazy way, I think you’ve been watching out for all these animals the whole time.’

  Mr Dog gave his widest doggy grin and barked proudly.

  Iona nodded and smiled. ‘Well, the garden gates are shut so I don’t think any of you critters can get out again. I’d better catch up with Mike. I’ve wanted to take Noel down for years – and I don’t want to miss the big moment!’

  Iona hurried away towards Noel’s house, whistling to herself.

  Mr Dog turned to Angus, Eccles and Zeus. ‘Well, my friends,’ he said, ‘I rather think it’s time you went back to your cages.’

  ‘What?’ Angus cried. ‘No way!’

  ‘It won’t be for long,’ Mr Dog assured him. ‘You heard Mike and Iona. They now have the evidence they need to close down Noel’s business. The police are on their way, with an animal-welfare officer. You’ll all be taken to proper homes, to live your best and wildest lives.’

  Zeus considered. ‘I suppose that’s all right then,’ he said. The big bear turned and trooped back towards the exercise yard. With a squawk, Eccles flapped after him.

  ‘Do I have to go too, Mr Dog?’ the kitten said.

  ‘You do, Angus,’ said Mr Dog. ‘But don’t worry. You’ll soon be taken back to the Scottish highlands and set free to enjoy the wild once more.’

  Angus sighed happily. ‘Do you think I’ll see Mama again? My real mama, I mean?’

  ‘I’m sure of it,’ said Mr Dog with a smile. ‘Especially now that I know how remarkable wildcat noses are at sniffing out a scent! And I hope your cheetah-mama will be reunited with her own cubs too!’

  With his friends willingly back in their cages, Mr Dog waited out in the grounds. He watched as police cars came up the drive, their blue lights flashing through the darkness. He saw them leave hours later, taking Noel, Sawyer, Desi and Jan to the police station to give statements. And he heard the animal-welfare officer say that the other hunters would be rounded up in no time.

  Best of all, Noel’s menagerie would be checked over by a vet and kept somewhere safe until they could be taken to new and happier homes.

  As the sun began to rise, Mr Dog jumped up at the window that looked on to the animals’ enclosure. Angus saw him and waved. The cheetah, sitting beside him, gave him a long look and simply nodded her thanks.

  Mr Dog nodded back. Then he barked again to Angus, Zeus and Eccles, and turned away. ‘My snout is good at sniffing out scents too,’ he murmured. ‘The next time I visit the highlands, I’ll keep a nostril open for Angus and see how he’s grown. Perhaps the wildcat and the wild dog will have some new adventures together some day.’

  Mr Dog chuckled. ‘After all – it would be a proper dog-and-cat-astrophe if we didn’t!’

  Notes from the Author

  All around the world, hundreds of millions of different animals of all kinds of shapes and sizes are kept as exotic pets. Some people just want to sell them and make money. Some people buy them because they genuinely love animals. Some people buy them because they find them exciting. It’s amazing how something like a big cat or a bear can look when you see it on television or social media! But if you think a new puppy or kitten is trouble in the house, it’s nothing compared to a wildcat or a tiger cub!

  I’m lucky that in my travels I have been able to see so many amazing animals in the wild. When you see them out there, in Africa or South America, you realise how different they actually are and that you really can’t look after a wild animal like an ordinary pet in an ordinary home. It needs the right food to eat, and it needs its own natural place to live and sleep. It’s important to make sure wild animals have a home where they belong. Remember, too, that exotic pets are often shipped
thousands of miles to reach their new owners and as many as four out of five animals will die as they travel to their new home or within a year of their captivity. If we care about animals we have to stop the illegal trade in wild animals and I hope that people will continue to join the many brave and brilliant heroes who are already out there fighting to bring it to an end.

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  About the Author

  BEN FOGLE is a broadcaster and seasoned adventurer. A modern-day nomad and journeyman, he has travelled to more than a hundred countries and accomplished amazing feats; from swimming with crocodiles to rowing three thousand miles across the Atlantic Ocean; from crossing Antarctica on foot to surviving a year as a castaway on a remote Hebridean island. Most recently, Ben climbed Mount Everest. Oh, and he LOVES dogs.

  Books by Ben Fogle

  MR DOG AND THE RABBIT HABIT

  MR DOG AND THE SEAL DEAL

  MR DOG AND A HEDGE CALLED HOG

  MR DOG AND THE FARAWAY FOX

  MR DOG AND A DEER FRIEND

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